Sometimes you don’t get to live your dream. At least not right now.

That’s okay.

Sometimes you have other priorities or other responsibilities or other things you just need to be doing instead.

This fact of life can cause huge amounts of stress, strain and guilt to someone who knows they have gifts and abilities they’re not using. I get that. I really do.

Conventional wisdom at the moment dictates that the time to live your truth and follow your passion and chase your dreams is right now. Not tomorrow, not next week, but today.

They say that if you don’t drop everything to follow this dream, that you don’t want it enough, or aren’t strong enough or smart enough. That you’re fearful and brainwashed and wasting your precious time.

I say that’s crazy! 

The truth is that there is no shame in delaying something you want when pursuing it now can cause more harm, to you or to your family, then good.

But let’s be honest for a moment. The piper must be paid, and if you hate your day job but have rent and bills to attend to – then you suck it up and do it.

For now.

There are plenty of good reasons not to pack your bags and fly to Italy so you can hunt cats and make traditional violin strings out of their innards, even if that is the deepest of your hearts desires, and I’m not even counting animal cruelty.

Before I get into why it’s okay not to pursue your dreams right now, (and how to start preparing for when you can) I want to look a little more closely at why it is we feel so bad when we can’t.

 

The Cult of Passion

Now, I’m not going to say it’s all Oprah’s fault.

Not going to do it. No way. Mom would kill me.

 

But Oprah – and other personalities, large and small – like hers have slowly shifted the ideal lifestyle of your average western culture acclimated Joe from two kids, a house, a car and a collie to being true to yourself at all costs and following your passion because you deserve to live your truth, dammit. It’s the “American Dream” in 2013. And there’s nothing keeping you from it but your own negative thoughts!

 

And sometimes – it seems to be really true. Some people certainly can jump on a plane and flay felines and make a real success out of it. Others become wealthy entrepreneurs, or famous musicians or celebrated chefs.

 

Many of them have absolutely heartbreaking origin stories, coming from situations far worse than you or I could possibly imagine (or perhaps of a kind we know intimately) but conveniently taking away our excuses for not being able to do just the same thing in our own lives. Live for the present, these stories whisper to you, start now. If you don’t make it it’s your own fault for not trying hard enough.

 

But there is a cost to doing so, and it’s a cost that not all of us are willing and able to pay.

 

Maybe you don’t have the resources for a plane ticket. Maybe you don’t have the time to start a business on the side. Maybe you don’t have the support you need with your family, your job or your home to be able to take time away from their care and maintenance. So you don’t, and you sit feeling guilty and dreaming of something else.

 

Please stop.

 

Don’t stop dreaming, of course, but stop feeling guilty.

There is no shame in not being able to do everything right this minute. There is no shame in having priorities that exist outside of you and your needs and wants. (Although your needs and are valid and deserve to be honored.) There is no shame in a dream remaining a dream for the time being.

 

You will get there.

And you don’t have to waste away, talents unrealised until you do!

But you want to know the great thing? The really, fundamentally excellent thing? You can start a small business in a few hours a week. You can practice your art a snatched Saturday morning at a time. You can investigate your interests and pursue new avenues of thought on the way to and from your dreaded day job.

Every little thing you can manage now contributes to the storehouse of information and resources you’ll be able to draw upon when the time is right.

I’d like to tell you a little story.

 

A Man and His Lamps

My Dad hates his job.

He’s hated it for the better part of thirty years. He took it soon before I was born and kept it through my and my sister’s youth, adolescence and now into our adulthood. He did this so he could give us a comfortable life with all of the things we needed, and some of the things we wanted. The follow-your-bliss crowd would call this a waste – of his time, of his talent, and of his passion.

I respectfully disagree.

He had responsibilities, and he went far beyond filling them. In a few years he’s going to retire and spend his time playing music, refinishing furniture, building lamps out of things that aren’t lamps and travelling with my mum.

But you see, from as far back as I can remember, he has never NOT played music, refinished furniture, or made lamps out of funny things. These pleasures have always been part of his life.

When circumstances – like being thirty one, high school educated with few savings and a baby on the way – got in between my Dad and what he loved to do, he did what he had to. He paid the piper, (for which I am profoundly grateful!) but never gave up on the things he enjoyed entirely. He practiced, and he planned and he took pleasure in what he loved to do. And soon, he will do more than that. I’m not sure what it will be – but I’m very confident it will be utterly badass.

Now, thirty years is not an amount of time everyone wants to wait – and I’m not recommending it to you. I told this story to illustrate that sometimes keeping a passion a hobby is just what works for your life. It doesn’t make your skill or your talent or your drive less. It just means you made a choice that works for you right now.

 

“If You Can’t Jump You Can Always Build” Megan Dougherty, ReTweet This

 

I think we’re both probably interested in more of a middle ground, however – so here’s what you can do…

 

A Well Planned, Well Funded Exploration

Sit down with a pen and paper and take stock.

Draw a line down the middle of the page.

On the first side – right down where you are now.

1. What obligations can you not ignore?

What does it take, in terms of your income or working hours to fulfill them?

It might take all of your money to keep the lights on – but you have a bit of wiggle room with your after work hours – that’s excellent.

Or maybe both time and money are incredibly tight – that’s okay too. (More on this below.)

2. Look at all of your obligations, and rank them in terms of priority.

3. Now, on the other half of the page – where do you want to be?

4. What would it take in terms of time and financial resources to get there in what feels like an amount of time you can tolerate. (Be bold – but realistic)

• A thousand extra dollars a month?

• Ten extra hours a week?

• More education?

• More space?

• More relationships?

5. Now – look at both lists. Do your obligations allow you the leeway to start moving towards where you want to be?

If so – good. Start devoting bits of time or money to practicing, gathering supplies, getting training, meeting people – anything that will be useful once you have enough of it – just start accumulating.

If your obligations take too much of you – look at the items on the list that have the lowest rankings – can you do anything about them? Shuffle things around? Bring home a little less pay? Earn a little more money? Give up some small luxuries?

I mentioned earlier that sometimes both time and money can be critically short – but that there were ways around that too. There are. It’s harder – but it’s still possible.

 

When You’re Just Too Stretched…

If you have only the tiniest amount of time or money to devote to your dream right now – use them as much as you are able to. Read about the topic. Find people online doing what you want to be doing – follow their blogs, connect with them online – absorb everything you can. Keep notebooks and sketchbooks of ideas. Learn every detail you possibly can – and always be on the lookout for ways to make a little extra money – or free up a little time.

Add these resources – this knowledge, these pennies, these supplies, to your personal escape bank – remind yourself they will come in handy – you will make use of them, you are preparing yourself for greatness.

If there really is no room for you to take any time or money away from the responsibilities you’re under, I just want you to do one thing….

 

Win An Inch At A Time

Cut yourself a little slack. It’s okay.

You’re every bit as talented and skilled and passionate as someone who does have more leeway. Keep your ear to the ground for opportunities to earn more or work less, and jump when the time is right.

I won’t lie – there is a danger to letting your dreams lie dormant for too long. There is a risk of becoming habituated and complacent. This is not what I’m advocating. Not by a long shot.

But it doesn’t have to be all or nothing right now.

You can plan for the future while being mindful of the present, and as long as you’re working towards integrating more pleasure and passion into your life – I don’t think you’ll regret having done what you needed to do.

What do you think? Can you achieve your dream by inches?

Let’s talk about it in the comments below…

 

Megan Dougherty runs a blog for the young and underemployed called Paying for Life. She believes that there’s a way to get pretty much everything you want and need if you put your mind to it – and if you need to start earning a touch more money on the side right now – here are 20 ideas to get you started right now. 

 

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