Why is that some people can be hugely successful in their lives and business, without even breaking a sweat?
How is it that some people just have the bottle to pick up the phone and talk to someone who can massively help their business, whilst most others sit and fret about why anyone would want to possibly talk to them?
What is it that makes the difference?
Having coached hundreds of people, and observed carefully those who do and those who do not reach their chosen outcomes I have become convinced that there is one key piece of the puzzle that is more potent and affective than any other factor you can possibly imagine.
Yes, you need to have a strategy that works, and that suits you personality. But beyond that, what is the difference?
Well the simple answer is confidence.
“Seriously?”
“She’s going to write a whole post about confidence? Surely I’ve got more than that!?”, you cry…
Yes I have.
Keep reading. This is an important distinction that will serve you well.
This strain of confidence I’m talking about is crucial – to the extent it creates a watershed between those who have it and those who don’t. The reason is, when you haven’t got the past history and track record to fall back on all the “put on front” of confidence will mean nothing – even if you FEEL confident in the moment.
And as you’ve probably already discovered, people see through it. Yes, even if you feel confident whilst you’re in front of them.
No, the confidence we’re talking about cannot be faked.
It can only be earned.
But then this sets up a horrible chicken and egg scenario where you can’t get the big success without already having some success to leverage up.
So what do you do in this position? How to you wriggle out from between the rock and the hard place to finally stride out and operate at your full capacity if you’ve no experience of really rocking it beyond your school production or your pub five-a-side?
Well I advocate a two pronged approach which has proven itself time and again.
Build From The Ground Upwards
The simplest way to gain confidence fodder (aka past successes) is to set yourself up for success in everything you do. Reach, and stretch yourself… but go after things you can succeed at.
You can easily manage writing a few emails to potential investors, for instance. But building the million dollar company when you’ve only ever worked in a job before just isn’t realistic until you’ve built up more skills along the way. That’s not to say that your project can’t grow into that outcome, and it’s great to have a big vision. You just need to build yourself and your skills up to that level.
So, start smaller and build momentum.
And you’ll notice that each success you create will allow you to reach just that much further on the next thing. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you will gain valuable experience in your chosen field… And before you know it you will notice that you’ll no longer be the one with the least experience and instances of success.
Now onto the second element, that will flat out super charge your results and allow you to really go directly to where you want to be.
I like to think of this as taking the ski lift vs. meandering up a mountain pass…
The Ski Lift Is The Direct Route
The ski lift is the direct route. It’s where you say “the direct action that will get me from here to there is X, therefore I’m going to do X”.
However, X can be a little bit scary.
In fact, it is often so scary, and appears so risky, that sometimes it doesn’t even show up as an option because you’re just not ready for it. Sometimes too, you can take the ski lift route, but because it’s just a leap too far, your internal system will sabotage any action and in effect you fall off.
You see, to take the ski lift, you need to know that you’re worth it.
You need to have this inner confidence that we mentioned initially. In fact, this inner confidence IS the ski lift. It makes all action possible and a lot less of an emotional effort than it would be otherwise. And even though this all elusive inner confidence is the well-known and well-accepted solution, what I’m about to share with you is a bit different… And that is how to attain this real, genuine inner confidence.
How to Cultivate That Illusive Inner Confidence
Well, it stems from self-worth – knowing that you are worthy of the outcome you’re choosing to create.
And the thing is, this self-worth is somewhere within you already. It’s there but covered up with all those traumatic experiences, instances of rejection and possibly stressful scenarios you’ve had to live through in your past. And even if you’ve had a fairly normal upbringing, as a child there will have been emotionally charged moments when you’ve made decisions to protect yourself (or your psyche) which now prevent you from stepping out, or vibing in a certain way.
So what we need to do is root out this real inner confidence, by finding instances and reasoning that supports it. (Well this is one of a couple of effective techniques that work…)
And to do this we create a Because-I’m-Worth-It-Map.
The Because I’m Worth it Map is basically a map of all the things that make you worthy – big and small. The thing to do is to go looking for every single tiny thing you can possibly come up with that you could use as a reason for why you deserve whatever outcome you’re shooting for.
All you need is a pen and paper… and a willingness to go digging through your mind, to get it working in your favour.
Four steps to creating your own “Because I’m Worth it Map” for your particular challenge right now…
- Decide on your desired outcome, write it in the centre of the page, and draw a circle round it. This is the centre of the mind map you’re going to create around it. The way to phrase the outcome is in note form, as if you were answering the question: What outcome do you want to achieve.
Examples might include:
“to increase my income”
“to increase my prices”
“to find more people who want my services”
“to increase my salary/ bonus, get a new job”
“to get accepted into a new networking group”
“to find a mentor”
Whatever it is put the phrase in a circle in the middle of the page.
- Next you’re going to have reasons as to why you deserve this outcome shooting off in other circles which can be attached to the central circle, or to each other – as your brain sees fit.
- Keep your reasons short – you want to get as many on the page as possible.
- Get as detailed as you can – you’re looking for as many reasons as possible to layer the notion into your mind that you actually do deserve to have whatever it is you chose to map.
This is what it should start to look like…
Remember you’re looking for anything that will increase your feeling of worthiness – that’s why it’s called a “Because I’m Worth it Map”.
Go head now, grad a pen and paper and make a start. Do it in your journal if you have one, and if its handy. If not, do it on a scrap of paper, and throw it away, and do another one later. It’s all good practice. You’re rewiring your neurology in a new way – the more you can do it, the more powerful the result. You can always make a start and then add to your map later on.
I find that when you get between 150-200 reasons is where you start to feel the shift. So keep pressing through, even if you’re finding it tough. Even if your mind goes blank. Come back to it, again and again to push through to the 200 reasons.
I’ve won trading competitions doing this. I’ve had people tell me they’ve had cash windfalls, and manifested new shoes doing this exercise. Heck, people have even gone from being an overworked employee to being cut into a directorship and taking a percentage of profits from the business… all from this one exercise.
So go ahead, and give it a whirl… and leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
To Your Inevitable Success!
Laura
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